It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
one might say we're banned from that church
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
