some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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