I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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