The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
