ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
