I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
