U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
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Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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