If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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