benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My pussy is not your playground.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize