Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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