There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
