I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
