I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
