you guys were way drunker than both of me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
