mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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