I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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