Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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