So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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