i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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