you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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