I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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