get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I need to stop coming to work sober
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize