Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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