Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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