you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
