i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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