Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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