Please, let me fuck your mom
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
