If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize