I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
