He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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