we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize