Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
