i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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