I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
pray to the hookup gods
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
