i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
birth control should be required to get into college
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize