Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
