Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
