He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
