He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
