But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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