I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize