Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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