She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
