I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
