My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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