I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
