i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
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Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT