are you still at the devil's house?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.