Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.