the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.