Apparently you make a good broom.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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