Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
