Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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