Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
