You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize