I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
