Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish they made helmets for livers.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
