I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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