My brain says no but my pants say off.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
