she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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