after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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